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A transcript of the Merrie Melodies cartoon "Hare-abian Nights" starring Bugs Bunny, Toro the Bull, Rudolph and Yosemite Sam.
Transcript[]
(At an Arabian palace, a band called Timbuk Two Plus 3 plays "Sweet Georgia Brown.” The sultan pushes a button to drop them into a crocodile pit.)
Vizier: They did not entertain the sultan. Bring on the next performer. (claps hands)
Guard: Perform!
(Through the curtains comes musician El-Viz Prezlii. When he sees the sultan tapping his fingers he begins to sweat; scared of what might happen to him like the previous performers, he shrieks like a little girl and gulps.)
Guard: Perform!
El-Viz: (heads to the stage and sings a song similar to "Hound Dog") You ain't nothin' but a hound camel. You ain't-(the sultan, unimpressed, pushes the button and he falls into the crocodile pit.)
Vizier: (offscreen) The next performer.
(Meanwhile in the desert, Bugs tunnels past a camel and inside the palace, all the way to a line of upcoming performers for the sultan. He pops out of the ground.)
Bugs: Hey, this don't look like Perth Amboy to me. (climbs out of the tunnel and dusts himself off) I knew I should've taken that left turn at Des Moines. Ah well, Well, what do ya know? I'm in a theater lobby. (walks to the guard and taps him on the back) Hey uh, pardon me usher, but uh what time does the cartoon go on?
Guard: (pushes him away) Back in line, performer, and await your turn. (Hears a buzzing sound and pokes his head through the curtain.)
Vizier: (offscreen) Next performer. (The guard nods his head, returns to the other room, and grabs Bugs.)
Bugs: Thanks anyway usher, but I'll find my own seat.
Guard: (pushes him onto the stage) Perform!
Bugs: Hey ya big lug I'll... huh? Ehhh, what’s up doc?
Vizier: (puts up a sign that says “Teller of Tales.”) Make your storytelling entertaining to the sultan, oh long-eared one, or it's the crocodile pit for you!
Bugs: Stories? Sultan? Crocodile pit?! (As the sultan is about to press the button he shrieks and gulps.) Well, in that case, stories I got. (pulls out a carrot) A funny thing happened to me on my way to the palace. As usual, I got lost and found myself in a bullfight ring where I was...
(Cut to a scene from "Bully for Bugs" where Toro the Bull comes in enraged, with steam coming out of his nostrils.)
Bugs: (notices Toro's steam on his posterior and slaps him) Stop steamin' up my tail! What are ya tryin' to do? Wrinkle it? (As Bugs begins to look for his destination on the map, Toro moves back) eh, let's see now uh, Coachella Valley, mmm. (Toro chalks up his horns and charges at Bugs) then to Las Vegas, Sanford, Latino. (Toro then rams him. Bugs soars through the air looking angry.) Of course, you realize this means war.
(Toro uses his horn to push a bead across a scoring wire, then bows to his applause from the audience. Roses are thrown onto him until the cuadrillas' doors open to reveal Bugs dressed as a matador. Toro comes after him but Bugs doesn't look worried. As Toro nears, Bugs holds up his cape. Toro's head pounds into something hard; Bugs lifts up his cape to reveal it is an anvil and the audience applauds and throws roses at him. He catches one and sniffs it.)
Bugs: Ah, me public.
(Scene cuts back to the palace as the sultan prepares to send Bugs into the crocodile pit)
Bugs: Hey, hold it doc. my story ain't finished. Soon, I was on my way again and yup, you guessed it, I got lost and found myself in an old castle with a monster. Well, I had to think fast so I...
(Cut to a scene from "Water, Water Every Hare" where Rudolph is breathing heavily at him.)
Bugs: (acting as a beautician in a female voice) My stars! Where did you ever get that awful hairdo? It doesn't become you at all. (Pulls up a chair and a table with a few hair supplies and grooms Rudolph) Here, for goodness' sake, let me fix it up. Look how stringy and messy it is. What a shame! Such an interesting monster too. (Brushes one side of his hair) My stars, if an interesting monster can't have an interesting hairdo, (brushes the other side of his hair then bends them down) then I don't know what things are coming to. In my business, you meet so many interesting people. Bobby pins, please. (Rudolph hands him those while he keeps fixing up his hair.) But the most interesting ones are the monsters. Oh, dear that'll never stay. We'll just have to have a “Permanenent" (he then messes up Rudolph's hair and runs to a room that says "Danger" and "High Explosives" and places dynamite sticks in his hair as rollers, then lights them.) Now I've got to give an interesting old lady a manicure; but I'll be back before you're done (he then runs off saying la la la la la just then the dynamite on Rudolph's hair explodes leaving him with an enormous bald spot.)
Bugs: Later, I found myself in the Sahara Desert, where I met the stupidest character of them all, Yosemite Sam.
(Cut to a scene from "Sahara Hare" where Sam is holding a shotgun and riding his camel when he sees Bugs' footprints.)
Bugs: Yoo hoo, Mr. Arab.
(Sam tries to pole-vault himself into the fort where Bugs is, but he hits the wall. He removes a brick from the wall, but it reveals a cannon which shoots Sam across the desert and through a tree. He uses stilts to reach the fort, then aims his gun at Bugs.)
Sam: Okay, rabbit! I got a bead on ya! (He fires, but recoils backwards to the ground and stomps on his stilts.)
Bugs: (opens the gate, but closes it when he sees Sam approaching on an elephant) Uh oh!
Sam: (beating the elephant) Ya mule! Ya, ya ya, ya mule! Ya! (Bugs winds up a toy mouse and lets it under the door, scaring the elephant, which uses Sam to Bash it before it flees, leaving Sam dazed and injured.)
(Scene cuts back to the palace where Bugs is laughing at the last story.)
Bugs: That Yosemite Sam, what a character. What a maroon. (chuckles) What a chicken-pickin' cotton-pluckin' guy. (The sultan, who is about to push the button, is revealed to be none other than Yosemite Sam.)
Sam: (giggles) Down to the crocodile's ya go. (He repeatedly pushes the button but nothing happens; Bugs has switched off the electricity; Sam grows frustrated.) Down, down, oh come on, down. (Sam growls, then stomps on the trap door to open it) Down! Down! Down! (Bugs then flicks the master switch) When I say down, (it opens up and Sam looks surprised) I mean down? (he falls into the pit where crocodiles snap at him. He frantically struggles to avoid them until he eventually escapes, but a crocodile also escapes, goes after him and bites him on the backside.)
Bugs: (acting as the new sultan and wearing turbans over his ears.) Ehhh, not a bad act, but uh, don't call us, we'll call you. (Aside) And I can think of a few things I'd like to call him.